Analee and I were inseparable. She was my yin to my yang. I had to be with her almost one hundred percent of the time. I dressed her up in so many different colorful outfits, often disregarding her natural blue Native American gown. I would wash her hair with shampoo, gently air dry it out, and then use my miniature comb to brush all the tangled locks away. I took great care of Analee, often too much care from the perspective of my older siblings and parents. After all it was all innocent, childish fun.It wasn't until the age of eighteen that I started to have sexual thoughts of my Analee. I was in my room playing with my Barbie dolls, Analee and Kristy. I was playing a game called 'House' where there was a mommy doll, a daddy doll, and two children dolls. My parents refused to buy me a Ken doll due to personal or religious reasons. They believed that a Ken doll will make me grow up too much but girl dolls were fine. I substituted my Ken for Kristy by having her hair cut short to. I went down to make his cup of coffee, it was his birthday, I was happy. I set the burners on the stove to warm a pan, went up to the loft we shared to take him his morning cup in bed. I touched his face to wake him, and knew. He lay quietly, a soft and happy smile on his face, the same smile he wore every day of his life. He had let me go so I would not have to share and feel that instant, trying to the last to protect me. My struggle with the loss was almost more than I could bear, I chose on my own, quietly and well thought out, to join him. I really have no fear of death. Being a Doctor, I long since have seen many things that let me know it is no end, only a change. But he would not allow me to do that. I know inside myself what he wants for me. He wants me to find a mate to share my life, to cry with me when pains of life come. To laugh with me when joys of life, so fleeting, fill a moment. I expected it to take years, perhaps to never come, but I steeled myself to try. I was.
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